Guess what happened to me!

I must use this time to relate to you the past few hours.  It began Saturday as the forecast was for rain.  I had 130 acres of wheat left to plant on my irrigated circle.  I completed 110 before the down pour began.  It rained all night!  Rain is a good thing in my line of work, as long as it comes when I order it!

Most of last week was spent trying to get millet harvested too.  I finally broke down and let my wife run the combine to harvest this crop.  One of the questions I get is, “What is millet?”  Well, it’s a little white seed that is thrown at Weddings and used for bird feed in the states and food for third world countries.  That’s about all I know.  It also is an occupational hazard!  I was looking under the combine when one tiny seed decided to fall directly into my right ear canal.  I could tell it was lodged in there as it felt like I couldn’t get all the water out of my ear after a swim.  I didn’t have time to worry about it at the moment.  Later that night, my wife took a syringe, filled it with warm water, and tried to force that water out my other ear.  Needless to say, the seed did not appear to be dislodged.

Sunday morning arrives and we loaded our family in our Honda Odyssey van.  Did I mention that it rained all Saturday night.  What I have failed to mention is that the county roads department decided, much to my dismay, to raise our road and work it over with fresh dirt.  They took the dirt from the side of the road and placed it on the top.  When it was dry, the road was pretty good, but when a slow inch of water falls to the surface, this road becomes great mud pie potential.  It took us 9 minutes to drive the 1 mile from our house to the hiway.  We are dedicated and determined to arrive at church and the family van was not to be deterred! (Even though I had to back up twice and force our way through the muck)

We spend the entire day at church.  Our congregation is hunting for a new preacher and we had a guest come and speak.  At 5pm we started our venture back home and drove the 35 miles back to our house.  It rained the entire way home!  Most people slept in the van as I wondered how we would ever get back down that road.  I decided it would be better to attempt the road from the other direction.  Needless to say, we almost were stuck in the intersection before we even got on the road to our house in our Honda van.  My wife pleaded with me to go back to town and spend the night at my mothers house.  I complied and back we went.  My mom was gone to visit my sister so we took over her house.  I went to the store to obtain items to keep Trevyn, our 8 month old baby happy.  We crashed for the night soon after the bus driver for my two oldest kids called and said that school was delayed due to the road conditions.

The next morning, we put on the same clothes we wore to church and I wrote a note to the teachers explaining why my kids did not have their book bags and homework.  I took them to school and went back to my moms house.  I figured since I was not getting anything else done today, I should consult an expert about the seed planted in my ear.  Many of my close friends on Twitter suggested that I just grow it out and once it leafed out I could just retrieve it out of my ear canal.  I made an appointment and made my way into a room for the doctor to extract my problem.  I noticed that the doctor that was to undertake my operation was an internist.  I asked him when he entered the room if he was trained for this kind of internal medicine?

He got his little lighted micro telescopic thingy and began looking in my ear and said, “Yeah, you have a seed in your ear and it is very deep, right up against your ear drum.”  huh? I never knew that, thank you doctor obvious!  Well, he asked the nurse for some gadget that was like a long needle with an eye on the end of it and proceeded to dig in my ear until it felt like he was stirring up brain matter.  He looked disappointed when nothing came out.  He then took his fancy scope thingy and looked in my ear and said, “It is very deep, and I have to go in there blind.”  That is not what I wanted to hear nor did I find any comfort in his prognosis.  The nurse suggested flushing the ear so he laid me down on the table and proceeded to tap my head to loosen the seed.  I said, “My wife hits me harder than that” so  I showed him how to hit my head like I was trying to get water out of my ear.  Nothing!  He hooked up a squirt bottle to a hose and some little neat squirter thing and put it my ear as I sat up.  The nurse held a bed pan to my ear to catch the refuse and the seed.  He pumped and pumped with the squirter thing in my ear and after 6 or 7 strokes of air, finally had the pump primed and then finally, water.  After 4 or 5 good squirts….NOTHING!  He looked in again and said, its still there.  He decided to consult another doctor.  Great!!!  I am thinking a scalpel is coming next.  Maybe I should have followed my twitter friends advice.

In comes another doctor he looks in there and says, “Get the big one, he’s tough, he can take it”  Great, it’s only my hearing we are talking about.  So, a minute later, the nurse returns with this fancy looking syringe thing that looks like it could put down cattle and this big stainless steel squirter thing.  We are talking some serious ear flushing now.  The nurse rigs it up and again, he primed it while it was in my ear, but finally, the water came.  Let me describe it as the time when Pharaoh was chasing the Israelites through the sea and the water came flooding down to kill all of the Egyptians.  Water went all in my lap but the nurse shouted, “There it is”  On my shirt was one little white seed.  The doctor grabbed his little telescope thing and confirmed her discovery.

That was good news!  However, as I stood up, I now realize that the water bath had settled on my lap.  It now appears that I have wet my pants and now I am being asked to leave the room and make my way out to the waiting room for everyone to speculate as to what occurred in the doctors office.  Great, just what I need.

Needless to say, I left town, and we made our way back home, only to find that our road was still unpassable.  I walked home, got my 4wd pickup, loaded the baby, my daughter and my wife and we made it home that afternoon.  I changed clothes and prepared for our first frost, thankful that this day was going to end.

As for the millet seed, don’t worry, the nurse threw it in the trash.  This one won’t be at any wedding near you!

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8 responses to “Guess what happened to me!

  1. hehehehehhe
    haahhahahaha

    lol

    rflol!

  2. Thanks! You and Brian sure made me guffaw today!

  3. Very funny. And I like the advice of your Twitter friends. Hehe. What a story.

  4. LOL, This is a hilarious story, maybe you should have it published. It would make a great children’s book, teaching wee ones why it is SO important to never stick stuff in their ears.
    Thanks for the experience!

  5. Great post, Tucker!

  6. I think it would be a great Readers Digest story.

  7. I am glad that through my misery and turmoil, I can provide a laugh to all my good friends! I am fishing this tale out to many publishers. Let you know what I hear back! I am hoping Audible.com takes it on, I would love to put some emotion to the story.

  8. Good luck!

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